Christianity and Adoption - under a microscope

Grace for Here and There, facing reality

2009-08-04T22:21:00.020-04:00

Sermon notes from May 30, 2009

“Grace for Here and There, facing reality” by Pastor Don
John 8
Will add mp3 link to sermon to download

In order for grace to be understood, it has to be experienced. Grace is what the Religious Leaders of Jesus day did not have, nor did they extend it.

About the Religious Leaders in this Bible story
a.) they ignored certain parts of reality. They had to ignore the reality of the situation (with the woman caught in the act of adultery). Such as the part of reality that, if she were caught in ‘the very act’ then where is the other guilty party?
b.)-at that time in history, they were under Roman rule and that specific Old Testament law they were trying to use was not even being enforced.
c.)-their motive was to trap Jesus.

My thoughts related to above sermon notes:
About the Religious Leaders in this story
a.) they ignored certain parts of reality. This is very true of adoption agencies…they focus only on the ‘obvious joy’ an adopted child brings to the adopting family. Yet they blatantly ignore two very real parts of reality.

1-The first reality they ignore is the reality of the original family…the original mother does not walk away and go on with her life as they preach. Losing her child causes her to struggle with her view and trust of God, it causes her to struggle with depression, it erodes her self worth.

Often she denies her true feelings, because (especially early on) she believes only the positive side of adoption like the professionals told her. This creates an inner turmoil that often stays hidden. The adoption professionals told her that she was brave and selfless and it was a loving choice to give her child more than she could. This conflicts with what she really is feeling inside and she wonders why she feels so bad about having done something so supposedly wonderful.

These emotional issues for her go undetected; therefore unaddressed often for years. Often it isolates her. She does not talk about her feelings and denies them because she rationalizes that it must just be something wrong with her that she feels so sad, depressed, and unhappy. It greatly affects her school/job, and her relationships with others and she doesn’t even realize it. It also affects her parenting later in life if she is even able to have another child.

This is all very opposite of the ‘fake’ picture adoption professionals paint. In this way they are like the Religious Leaders.

2-The second reality they ignore is the reality of the losses to the child. As science and medicine become more advanced each day, we are also becoming more and more educated on the growth of a child in the womb. We’re amazed to learn of how much the child is ‘aware’ of before birth. When a child is born, it is obvious they know the sound and sight of his/her mother. As the child grows, it learns through the genetic mirroring how to utilize the natural gifts, talents, and strengths they’re wired with. The DNA of the child is not a misunderstood mystery when being raised with original family.

Yet when it comes to adoption, the adoption professionals continue to tout the outdated myth that a child is a blank slate at birth. Medicine and science have proven the blank slate idea to be false yet they still speak it as if it’s truth. Therefore, in this way they are like the Religious Leaders.

b.)-at that time in history, they were under Roman rule and that specific Old Testament law they were trying to use was not even being enforced. This point is very valid as a comparison with Adoption. However; it applies to not just the adoption professionals, but to the the use of Bible Verses by people who want to adopt (PotentialAdoptingParents – PAPS). In the Bible lesson in John, the point was that they were using the Scripture only for their own advantage.

So often people talk about how God “Led Them to Adopt,” then they use scriptures out of context to back them up or to make themselves feel better. Often when people pray in desperation they hear their own desires or ideas and ‘claim’ them as God’s divine direction. Why would God lead them to pay a lot of money to buy an infant and take him/her from the original parent(s) when it’s not necessary, when they could use that money to benefit a local orphanage? If they’re listening to God’s leading, how often do they visit any of those orphans? Or care for the widows or elderly – as Jesus clearly instructed His followers to do. Why? It is possible that God is trying to lead them a different direction, but they are listening to the voices of their own heart and using God at their convenience?

Adoption was not “ordained” by God as I’ve heard Christians falsely claim. There are only two example of infant adoption in the entire Bible. If Adoption was as ‘important’ to God as people claim, why aren’t there more examples recorded over a period of 4 thousand years? Since the Scripture is Divinely Inspired and breathed by the Holy Spirit, why are there only two examples of infant adoption vs all the examples and outright commands to care for widows, or orphans, or the sick, or those in prison, or those who are being taken advantage of?

First of the two ‘infant adoption”examples is Moses. However his ‘adoption’ does not at all reflect or portray Adoption as it is known in our society. The whole reason Moses was raised by another family was that his life was literally in danger. It was not because his Hebrew family was poor. He was in danger of being killed. Adoption should only be an option when a child is in danger of real harm. It is interesting to note that Moses rebelled against the ‘family’ that parented him. This is the Bible’s example.

The other example is that of Samuel. But again it is very contrary to Adoption as our society knows it. Ponder, who was Samuel’s Original Mother? She was a married infertile woman who desperately begged God for a child. That is opposite of PAPS who are trying to find a single woman and take her newborn infant as her own. Ponder, who was Samuel raised by? He was NOT raised by a loving couple. He was raised by an old man who was NOT looking for a child to parent. Two strikes against adoption ideas nowadays. In the Bible example, this woman begged God for a child, and He answered her prayer by opening her womb. He did not answer her prayer by her giving her another woman’s child. If a PAP conceives, or even an AMom, do you think she is going to allow her own child to be parented by another family? Not on your life. This does not match the Bible Example.

Ponder also the roles of original mother and child. She came back to the temple each year with gifts for her son. He knew who she was, and she still held the title of Mother to him. Although adoption professionals talk about open adoption, the reality is that there are still millions of adopted people in the United States, and many of them do not know their original Mother. Ponder the international adoptees, who will never be able to find their original Mother, their original family when they become an adult. This does not match the Bible Example.

Some use Ester as a Bible example of adoption. But she does not count as a fresh from the womb infant adoption. She was a true orphan – her mother and father had died and therefore her Uncle cared for her. Notice, it was a relative who took her in, not strangers. And he only did this because she no longer had her mother or father. This is more aligned to the claim of adoption. That claim being to meet the needs of the child. Infant adoption as we know it is not about the needs of the child, it truly is about the adults. The purpose of that infant being adopted is to fulfill a need to the adults. This does not match the Bible Example.

Some use Jesus as an example of adoption. Oh, puhleeze. Jesus grew inside the womb of an unmarried woman. IF God was so big on adoption the conversation between Mary and the Archangle would have gone like this, “Mary. You are an incubator. You will conceive and bear a child. But you are not good enough for the baby you will bring into this world, He deserves more than a poor young girl like you could offer the child; therefore, God wants you to hand this child over to a loving married godly couple who are financially stable, but have been unable to conceive a child of their own. They will shower on the Christ child all the material pleasures available.” But that is not how the conversation went. Jesus was parented by His original mother and step-father.

c.)-their motive was to trap Jesus.
Wow! Motive.

You realize that little phrase could have been left out. But if the Bible lessons show how critical it is to see and understand the motive of the Religious Leaders, then we should do the same with adoption professionals.
Christians really need to start to investigate motives for adoption.
Adoption Agencies definitely have an agenda and a motive. It would be silly to ask a fox why he’s crouched outside the henhouse door. Or to ask a wolf trying to find a way into the sheep pen. In the same way we should not merely accept what the adoption agencies have to say about themselves without investigating it for ourselves.

What do they spend this money on? One thing they do is feed money into an organization named "National Council For Adoption" [NCFA]. This is not a government organization that the name may lead you to believe. This is their self-appointed title. It is an organization that pays legislators to fight laws to continue discrimination against adult adoptees. The whole purpose of NCFA is to keep original birth certificates sealed, and to keep adoptees from knowing and/or finding their original family. Adoption Professionals pay this organization to fight against the rights of the very ones they claim to care about. When and adoptee is an adult, they should be able to decide what is in their best interest, not outdated laws and legislators.

Here are some questions you could search to find answers for.
Money/profit. Is money a motive? Is there a profit involved? Search to find out how many billions of dollars are brought in by adoption professionals.

Some will rebuff the idea of money being a motive because many adoption agencies are non-profit organizations. This again is fool’s gold. Non Profit does not indicate no profit is made. Instead it basically means their income cannot exceed their outgo. In other words, if they make a lot more money than expected one year, everyone gets bonuses, or that sort of thing to re-distribute the money so it is spent; otherwise it would be considered a profit.

If the money is used only to ‘pay for legal fees and services’ then try to explain why there is a price difference among babies of different races. I hope that you will be revolted to find that white babies cost much more than a baby of another race. If adoption costs were merely to cover ‘necessary’ expenses, why aren’t white and black babies the same ‘price’?

If you look at it strictly from a business point of view, it’ll point to the law of ‘supply and demand.’ White healthy fresh from the womb infants are in higher demand, therefore they come with a higher price sticker. I am revolted that price sticker and infant would even be in the same sentence, but that is one of the sides of adoption not talked about. Here is one site that makes some price tags visible for the whole world to see.

http://apathoftheheart.blogspot.com/2009/01/january-23-2009-adoption-situations.html

It personally makes me think of the slave market. And if you think this idea of ‘price’ does not phase an adoptee, let me know, and I’ll introduce you to adult adoptees who have shared with me their feelings on this very subject. And you can ask them for yourself. I’ve talked to many who know how much their aparents paid for them. Some were given or shown the receipts. Receipts - for human beings?

I’m going to end here, but I hope you will ponder these things. Research things for yourself. Read blogs by Adoptees to hear their own words of how adoption has affected them. Read blogs by Original Mothers to hear their experiences. Check into how much money is made by your own local adoption agency in one year. But please pray that God would allow you to begin to view adoption inline with the principals of His Holy Word, instead of viewing it by society’s unfounded views.

Rachel's Story

2009-05-25T11:41:00.029-04:00

It was a sunny day as I was driving along. I was on my way back to work.

I was driving my husband's car, which was tuned to a Christian College radio station.

This post is about an advertisement that came on. When I got back to work, I sent an e-mail to the radio station asking if there was a way I could link to that commercial, or if they could send more information about their organization. I did not get a reply from the radio station, so I can't link to the sound byte, nor can I paste in their transcript.

"The story is about a girl named Rachel. She had been living on the streets in the Philippines. She had experimented with drugs and at times turned to prostitution. By age 21 she had three children. Two of the children she sold. The third child was kidnapped one night when they were sleeping under a bridge.

Homeless and destitute Rachel found herself pregnant again.

Someone told Rachel about this organization that maybe could help her. She turned to this wonderful Christian group. [Most unfortunately I cannot remember the name - but it doesn't really matter, because it represents the mindset of so MANY Christian Organizations that 'help' pregnant women.]

This group took Rachel in. They arranged the adoption of her child to a loving Christian couple. They provided Rachel with the basic needs and began to train her with useable life skills. They helped Rachel get a job. She thrived and continued working and supported herself. She can now read the Bible and is a manager over a few people at her place of employment."

Isn't that a wonderful "success story?"

Yay for this wonderful group of Christians who showed the love of Jesus!

Really?

Did they show the love of Jesus?

Was it a wonderful story?

Well, I’d like to tell you another story. Then you pick the one that you think is the better “Success Story.”

Story B ...

Homeless and destitute Rachel found herself pregnant again.

Someone told Rachel about this organization that maybe could help her. She turned to this wonderful Christian group.

This group took Rachel in. The provided her with the basic needs of food and clothes. They arranged appointments at the doctor throughout her pregnancy. They recognized the trauma Rachel must be living with to have lost three of her children, and provided counseling to her.

This organization had requests from Christian American couples to adopt Rachel's 4th child. But this wonderful Christian group replied to those requests in an unexpected manner. They would not even consider adoption for this child. Their reason was that for them to arrange an adoption would not help Rachel. To sell her 4th child legally via adoption was no different than Rachel being forced to sell her other children out of desperation. Adoption would only further traumatize Rachel.

This wonderful Christian group cared for Rachel throughout her pregnancy. They taught her how to read and trained her with other life skills. They helped her get a job.

Rachel gave birth to a beautiful little girl. Her little girl is now in elementary school, and Rachel is a manager over a few other workers at her place of employment.

If you'd ask Rachel about her story she would tell you how thankful she is to find these people who loved her and helped her through the darkest times of her life. This group of people was different than everyone else she had ever known. These people seemed to LOVE her and care about her, unconditionally. She would tell you that her greatest accomplishment is when she sits down at night with her little girl in her lap, as she reads the Bible to her."

So,

Which really showed Compassion?

Mercy?

LOVE without expecting anything in return?

Story A

or

Story B

God has created a very sacred mother-child bond. Why do Christians treat that so lightly?

Instead of allowing the adoption industry to sell their babies as mere cattle, why aren't we doing more to help Expectant Mothers to become the Mothers that God intended them to be?

Rachel's story

I'd rather hear more like Story B

Godliness

2009-05-19T23:55:00.008-04:00

March 1, 2009 - Pastor Don

Sermon title: Godliness

Here is a link to the .mp3 file for you to want to listen to the entire sermon, Godliness download -- or at the very least listen to the opening story. It has to do with the owner of the NBA Dallas Mavericks making an offer to WGN Radio Sports Talk Host, D. Maverick.

"My Name is My Birthright"

7 Marks of a Christian:

1.) CONDUCT - 1 Jn2:6

2.) CONCERN - Col 3:1-4; Mt 6:31-33; Phil 4:9

Concern loops back around to conduct

What are my concerns?

3.) COMPASSION - I Jn 3:17 "How can the love of God be in you?"

Compassion costs personally & is outside my wants or needs

4.) CONVERSATION - Mat 12:34 "empty words"

- James 26 "religion worthless"

What and How we speak about something important to us. - was it uplifting? - encouraging? -would we speak it if Jesus were visibly present?

5.) COMFORT - I Thess 4:13; 2 Cor 1:3-4

We receive comfort from God so that we can pass it on / comfort others

6.) CONFIDENCE - Heb 11:6; Gal 3:11

7.) COMMUNION with God / BUILDING Relationship with God - I Jn 1:3

to Know God is very very different than to merely know About God

Following are my notes relating to the sermon and/or sermon points:

The opening story has the comment,

"My Name is My Birthright."

This has a completely different meaning to people who are not adopted. People who are adopted, they lose much that should have been "their birthright", even the 'birthright' of their original name. 5.) COMFORT. The verse in I Thess states that we receive comfort from God so that we can turn around and comfort others when they need it. For some people this is a strength God has already wired them with (similar to compassion). But other people may need to learn how to comfort others.

2.) CONCERN. I had to stop and ask myself... what are my concerns with all the time I spend on-line?

One of my concerns is 'being heard'.

Another concern is for others. I want to encourage others who are struggling or who maybe are/were in a similar situation. I want to support people and help them through the dark times.

I think my biggest concern on-line is change ... Change is so desperately needed! 3.) COMPASSION. I listed this trait last because I think it is a critical trait that is lacking in adoption. In my sermon notes journal I have !*!* next to this trait. Jesus was a powerful man. He healed many people and performed many miracles. Yet he was very much a man of compassion. We see it over and over that when he saw people in need, the story went like this "Jesus saw... and He was moved with compassion" or "He was filled with compassion" or simply "He had compassion on..." Where is the compassion when it comes to adoption? The verse in I John 3 is very strong "How Can the Love of God be in you?' I think that could easily be read 'How can the Love of God possibly be in you? You're interested in only your own self and while you give lip service to the hurting, you are unmoved by their deepest needs ???!!!" So, where IS the compassion when it comes to adoption? What Pastor Don said in his sermon needs repeated ...

"Compassion Costs Personally".

When he said that, the story that came to my mind immediately is one from an AMom. I originally read this article --> http://www.cafemom.com/journals/read/1317242/article_Black_Kids_in_White_Houses I'm copying most of one paragraph from that article... Pam and her husband, Bill, both white, adopted two black children, Theo and Simone, whose mother, Amanda, . . . had to give them up because she's poor and has been dealing with illness in her immediate family. The . . .cost almost $20,000 each. ". . . There's nothing wrong with her [Amanda]. . . I've thought before, what if I'd just given that money to her?" Yes, Pam, what if you HAD just given that $40,000 to their momma? Or even half that? You would be a hero forever. To me, that would've been the kind of Compassion Jesus talked about. I think that is the kind of Compassion Pastor Don was talking about when he said that Compassion Costs Personally. It seems that Christians have stopped giving without expecting something in return. Could it be that we're lacking Compassion. So, where is the Compassion in Adoption? I often think about the baby girls adopted from China. How many of those girls and young women are now in America. They've lost their natural family, their heritage, their culture. Their chance of ever finding the answers to life's most basic questions (such as 'who do I look like?') will go unanswered. How many have been adopted? What if American Christian women stopped paying the Chinese government to force mothers to abandon their daughters? Instead of encouraging the practice to go on, What if, instead American Christian women would've put that money together over the years and fought against the real human rights issue in China? Now that -- that to me sounds like Compassion. That sounds like Compassion which would Cost Personally. So, tell me, where is the Compassion in Adoption. It isn't there, my friends. Plain and simple. When you peel away the layers, the deep and real motive with adoption is to fill a want by AParents. Compassion would look into the eyes of a child and want to fight to keep that child with his/her natural parents - not take the child away. Give without expecting to receive in return. Godliness is displayed by Compassion. Compassion Costs Personally, it gives without expecting to receive anything in return.

Is God really in control?

2009-03-27T00:55:00.003-04:00

I have a question for you... Do you believe that God is really in control? or do you believe in coincidences and chance? - that things just happen? Tonight I found myself facing that question. I was driving on a secondary windy road. I don't look forward to this trip because I have trouble seeing at night. I feel blinded by the on-coming traffic. It is stressful and sometimes triggers a migraine or headache. I typically listen only to cd's. No radio for me. I've got the CD's in my 10-disc changer, and all is good. For "some reason" I turn on the radio. I'm flipping stations trying to find something suitable. I "happen" upon a radio broadcast. I decide to leave the station there and listen to an interview with a prisoner. I joined in the middle of the program, so I had no idea who the interview was with. I was listening intently as the person was describing their first encounter with God -- which was in prison. I figure someone had given them a Bible, and they were saying that they were reading Psalms. The came upon a particular Psalm, and the verse that talked about God hearing our cry really stuck out to this man. He described that he suddenly had an urge to talk to God. Even though he had been angry with God since he was a child, he had this urge to talk to him. He knelt in his prison cell in the dark. He wasn't even sure that God would care anything about him. But that night, he poured out his heart just "talking to God" for about 20 minutes. My car was winding up a mountain, and the station turned to static. It's dark, and I'm not used to flipping channels, and I was using my remote. I kept flipping thru channels as I drove up the mountain. I was hoping that I'd soon start cycling back around to the station with that interview. I started using the scan back button, and I found it again. It was near the end of the interview at this point. But the prisoner was describing how he related to the Apostle Paul. Sometimes we forget that Paul was Saul of Tarsis who persecuted the followers of Christ. And here this prisoner was relating to Paul, because he too was a murderer. He completely admits his guilt, and acknowledges that he deserved to be in Hell. He freely describes the greatness of the mercy of God to save someone 'like him'. I must agree. How Great that Mercy is to us all who turn to Christ - regardless of what we've done, yet He forgives! After the interview was over, the broadcast switched back over to the host. I recognized his voice. Yes, it was Dr. James Dobson. This must be some branch of the Focus on the Family Ministry. Now, keep in mind - I "just happened" to pick up this radio program. I had no idea what program it was, or who was being interviewed. I soon learned that the interview was with a serial killer, David Berkowitz. You may be familiar with the name, but I wasn't. I didn't know who "Son of Sam" was. I had to come home and Google the name. I learned that he murdered several people in NY during 1976 & 1977. As Dr. Dobson is talking he highlighted the mercy of God, and described what he believed to be a sincere conversion of this man, of this murderer. He began talking about some of David's childhood experiences that may have contributed to why David became a serial killer. These are not excuses, but they are contributors. The first contributor he stated was that David felt abandoned by his birth mother. [I shook my head to clear the fog and asked myself, "Did I just hear that right?"] Then he listed another contributor was that the adoptive mom died while David was very young. [Yup. I guess I heard that right, he did say "birth mother."] So Dr. Dobson proceeds with asking, "what would have happened if David would have had a strong manly figure in his life when he was around 8 or 9 years old?" He went on to describe that David fought with depression from a very young age. And that's where I wish Dr. Dobson could have heard me as I yelled at the radio, "8 or 9 years old? Why not back up 8 or 9 years? What would have happened if David's Natural Mother would have had women in the church show the Real Love of Jesus Christ by helping her parent her son, instead of adoption? Then David would not have felt abandoned by his natural mother to begin with!" From the Google search, I learned David was born around 1955. This was still of the BSE (Baby Scoop Era) when unmarried women had their babies taken from them. Society did not see them as 'fit' to be mothers. Many times their own parents sent them away to homes where the women were treated horribly by the 'religious' people there. Dr's often would take the baby and the natural mother was not permitted to see the child - at times never knowing if it was a boy or girl. I have not researched to see if it was ever known who David's natural mother was, so I can't answer for her. But chances are pretty good that she did not "choose" adoption - instead adoption was forced upon her. My other question to you Dr. Dobson is this. When will the church start to realize that David feeing abandoned and rejected by his birth mother - he is by far not the only one? When the church pushes adoption they are willingly blind to the fact that adoptees feel abandoned. I'm talking about adoptees that grow up in "good" homes. I'm talking about adoptees where the love and family bond between them and their adoptive parents is very strong. These children grow up and when/if they listen, they hear a muffled voice deep inside that is asking "Why did my mother abandon me? Why didn't she keep me? What is wrong with me that makes me so unlovable?" I wish you could hear me, Dr. Dobson. When will you and Christians stop feeding the adoption industry frenzy and start to hear the voices of the victims. Those victims are the natural mothers who do not get over it (as the adoption industry boasts), and the children being separated from their natural families unnecessarily. When will you put the obvious pieces together? Puzzle Piece #1, David was adopted & felt rejected/abandoned by his natural mother. Puzzle Piece #2, David struggled with depression from a very young age. When you put these obvious Puzzle Pieces side by side, it shows that Adoption Harms Children. What if the natural mother of David Berkowitz was shown some compassion and love when she was pregnant? What if she was shown some love and compassion when her child was born and Christ followers helped her parent her child? Then David would not have started off his young life feeling abandoned. I flipped to another station. I could not listen to the rest of the program. I am disgusted by how the church pushes adoption and pays for babies, instead of helping support struggling families. I park my car and walk up to the house mulling over it all. I stand in my kitchen and ask God, "Why?" If He is really in control (which I believe) and if there really are no coincidences, then why did He have me hear that program?

Fear Factor

2009-03-08T23:42:00.000-04:00

Feb 21, 2009 - Pastor Don Key Scripture: Mark 4:34-41 Today our pastor did not give a sermon on the pre-planned topic. Instead he wanted to talk about fear. With the condition of the economy today, there is a lot of unrest and people are very concerned about their jobs, about their families, about their future. Here is a link to the .mp3 file for you to want to listen to the entire sermon, or at the very least listen to the opening story about George Frideric Handel. Fear Factor download Here are my notes from that sermon, which he titled "Fear Factor." Fear can be our undoing. Root Cause of fear is when we lose control. Often times; however, we don't really have control, we just like to feel as though we do. And then when the rug is pulled out from under us we realize just how little control we have at times. Here are some of the things fear causes: * fear can cause Panic. When in panic mode, this is NOT the best time to be making decisions. * fear can lead to being Paralyized. In Matthew 25: 14 - 30 , we read the story of the three servants and the talents/money. The servant who received only one bag of money in his own words was "afraid." This fear caused him to be completely paralyzed. He did not even try, because of that fear. * fear can lead to Procrastinating Indefinitely. * fear can cause us to lose Purpose. We need a Purpose that is Bigger than our self. So, what do we do with this fear? 1.) Operate on Facts, Not Fear / Feelings. Fear can make us miss critical facts. In the key scripture, Jesus was in the boat with them. We must not miss the critical fact that in our storm of life, even though it looks like our boat will sink, that God is in your boat. 2.) Don't Stop! Get up & Keep Moving! Just like the treadmill. It seems like useless activity. We work so hard step after step working up a sweat, and yet we get no where. Literally we end up exactly where we started. At least that is how it seems on the surface. But below the surface, where it isn't easily seen, is where the benefits and results are happening. So keep on moving even when it seems pointless. 3.) Keep eyes on Jesus. Jesus said "Don't be afraid." Jesus minimizes fear. 4.) Help someone else. ************ Here is where I'll discuss the points above and see if any of those principals can be applied to adoption. Adoption all starts with an expectant mom, and her baby; therefore, most of my thoughts are going to focus on her, the Expectant Mom (E-Mom). Any E-Mom is going to deal with some level of fear. A child brings with it a lot of responsibility. When that E-Mom is dealing with an unplanned pregnancy, the level of fear is greatly heightened. If you talk to an E-Mom who is considering adoption, you will find a lot of commonly mentioned reasons. But if you listen, really listen to her, the primary reasons is FEAR. The entire time I listened to this sermon, I just thought how much I wish E-Moms could hear these words. I wish she would gain strength and courage by facing the fear. I'll just start from the top of my notes and work my way down... "Fear can be our undoing." But it does not HAVE TO BE SO! There are ways to deal with the fear and move past it or go on in spite of feeling afraid. "Root Cause of fear is when we lose control." We've all encountered a time where the rug was pulled out from under us. For a woman not intending to be pregnant, hearing that the test result is positive definitely is a rug ripping moment and it powerfully demonstrates she not in control, and fear is rampant. "* fear can cause Panic. When in panic mode, this is NOT the best time to be making decisions." Here is where I feel like people need to readjust their thinking about adoption. People in general, not just Christians. When it comes to adoption, people often tell an E-Mom, "do what you feel is best / right for you." Now, take a step back for just a moment. If an E-Mom is consumed with fear, and is in Panic Mode, do you really think you are supporting or helping her by saying that? If she is in Panic Mode, how do you expect her to sort through everything on her own? How can she really make the best decision with that underlying fear and panicky feeling that clouds one's judgment? If she is considering adoption, she needs someone to be her friend and help her look at ALL sides to adoption so she can make a decision based on all the facts. If she only hears about the "win/win" idea that is the most prevalent in society, she is not making an informed decision. If she is in Panic Mode, she may not even realize she is missing critical information. "* fear can lead to being Paralyzed." The sad part of that story is seeing that how much this man lost by not even trying. If you meet an E-Mom who is afraid about parenting, help her realize that the best decision she can make is to first try parenting. There is a myth that an adopted baby should be placed immediately with the replacement parents to avoid damage to the child. This is a tactic used by agencies to try to get an E-Mom to commit to what is called "pre-birth matching." Basically that means she selects a couple to parent her child while she is still pregnant. The hidden motive of "pre-birth matching" is to make the E-Mom sympathetic toward the couple so she would feel guilty if she changes her mind. If an E-Mom is considering adoption, you can help her to not be paralyzed by the fear and try parenting first. If she tries first, and it just is not working out, she can always look into adoption later. But you are doing her and her baby a greater service to encourage her to try. I've been in the post-adoption circle long enough now to tell you about the many natural moms who are later tormented by the reality that they did not even try. "* fear can cause us to lose Purpose. We need a Purpose that is Bigger than our self." Right off the bat here, I am going to make a statement that you may need to just stop reading, walk away, and ponder it before you read any further. No where in the scripture does it indicate that God puts babies in the wrong bellies. It just is not in there. So when we are talking about "Purpose" and E-Moms dealing with an unintended prenancy we must avoid the falsehood that God causes one woman to become pregnant for the sole purpose of satisfying a different woman's desires. You can search the Bible from cover to cover and you will not find one instance where an infertile woman pleads with God for a child, and He answers her prayer by giving her someone else's baby. If God has allowed a woman to become pregnant, then we need to support her in taking on that purpose of becoming the best Mom possible. Titus 2 instructs older women of the church to "...train the younger women to love their husbands and their children." So it is the church's responsibility to help E-Moms and new moms in this way. I am going to wrap up with on this last note 1.) Operate on Facts, Not Fear / Feelings. Fear can make us miss critical facts. In the key scripture, Jesus was in the boat with them. We must not miss the critical fact that in our storm of life, even though it looks like our boat will sink, that God is in your boat. . . . "3.) Keep eyes on Jesus. Jesus said "Don't be afraid." Jesus minimizes fear. " We've already covered decision making. So what I want to stress here is that Jesus minimizes fear, whereas the enemy capitalizes on it. It is the enemy, not Jesus, who using Fear to it's advantage. It's the the enemy who Diverts our attention from the facts that could be missed or hidden, yet they are so utterly critical. In our spiritual walk, the enemy is Satan. In the case of an E-Mom who is struggling through an unplanned pregnancy, her enemy is the pro-adoption crowd. This can be either adoption professionals, or a school nurse, or even a friend of the family. I list them as an 'enemy' because they cause her to focus on her fears by planting seeds of doubt in her mind. The seeds of doubt are tiny, and subtle. They come in the form of questions or comments like these: "How will you be able to afford a baby?" and "Babies are expensive." "Do you want your baby to be deprived of college" or "You're too young to be a Mother." "You aren't ready to be tied down. You shouldn't let a baby hold you back from accomplishing your dreams and goals." or "Don't be selfish, a child deserves a better start in life." "Children deserve a stable 2 parent home." "You could provide a family to a loving couple who cannot have children of their own." These seeds of doubt are to make her afraid - to make her think that she can't parent. - to make her think that she is selfish if she tries to parent. - to make her think that she isn't good enough, her baby deserves better. - to make her to think that it is her responsibility to provide a child to another couple. Stirring up fear is not from God. All this fear is shifting her focus from God's promises of giving her strength and providing for her needs. The adoption professionals also steer an E-Mom away from operating on facts by hiding from her critical facts that shows the affects of adoption on both the natural mother and on the child. Adoption agencies in particular tell a woman that she will "feel sad for awhile, but she will get over it and go on with her life." They don't discus the risks such as PTSD, or that 40% will not be able to have another child. With the talk of how adoption has changed and she can have contact with her child, they don't reveal that 80% of the adoptions close without any explanation from aparents. They will tell her "babies are blank slates, it doesn't matter who parents them as long as they are loved." They tend to hush and hide the studies showing that adoptees often feel abandoned. Many question their own value and have very low self-esteem. There is a common problem with adoptees not being able to develop strong lasting relationships. There are many adoptees who just never felt as though they belong or fit in their family. I hope that anyone who knows of an E-Mom facing an unplanned pregnancy would share this sermon with her. Especially if she is considering adoption for her baby. If she is, here is a link to an excellent pamphlet for her to read as well. http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pdf This pamphlet discusses facts she should be aware of, these are things adoption professionals would try to hide, because this knowledge would permit her to Operate on Facts, not be Manipulated by Fear.

break thru

the

fear factor